You would never know by the look of this blog & lack of posts but I do love blogging. I'd like to blame Facebook, but maybe I've just been busy. When I started years ago I was a mom to a 4 month old & 2 year old. Since then I have lived in 6 other houses, a variety of hotels, several states, 2 countries, & added a precious baby girl (now 3). One would think I would have lots to say, and I do. Yet, I haven't said much of anything..... Not here anyway.
Maybe, I'll start writing again..... I think when I do it will be like opening a flood gate. Watch out y'all! You never know what I might say if that happens! So, check back soon. Tomorrow just might be that day!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sweetie McSweets
Hey y'all! I've really got to pick this blog back up!! In the meantime I want to make sure you check out Sweetie McSweets' blog. This is my dear friend's store. She is very talented, and I am so happy to see her following her dream. Check out her stuff! It is super cute and well made. Also, she is sponsoring a give away! Go to her blog page linked above for all the details. You can also find her on Facebook and on her website. She is always adding new stuff. So, keep checking
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
What TO Say to a Military Spouse
Someone asked me a really good question. She asked, "What should I say to a military spouse?" Most military spouses will not ask for help or tell you what they need, but I think this is a great topic for discussion.
It isn't actually what you say but how you say it. (click to see article below on what NOT to say) Tone of voice goes a long way. The things on the do not say don't bother me so much when they come from really close friends who are by my side living my life with me on a day to day basis. It's the day to day people that I come across or people I haven't seen in years who ask those questions in such a way as to make me feel like I am living the worst possible life. Their questions - comments sound like my husband went to prison for doing something awful instead of serving our country. (Example: The question about "How much longer does he have before he can get out?") Again, if you read the prior note I tried to rephrase some of the questions/comments to get you thinking about saying things in a more positive way.
The truth is that I want to live my life like everyone else. This is my normal, and while it isn't always easy nobody's life is! I don't feel sorry for myself. So, why should you feel sorry for me? I have a roof over my head, healthy children (most days anyway), food on the table, & family, & friends who love me unconditionally. I have a wonderfully blessed life!
Instead of thinking, "Poor her" think, "I'm so happy to have a life here in the U.S. where soldiers VOLUNTEER to keep me & my family safe!" Then, DO something to show your appreciation for the US Military. While I'm sure people appreciate Facebook Post showing support to the military and forwarded e-mails let's face it less than 1% of the US Population are in the military. Less than 1% people!!! That means maybe 1 person on your FB list is in the military or has military connections. If they are deployed they probably don't see that FB status. Wouldn't it mean more to take a few minutes out of your day to send them a real letter or post card of appreciation? Again, those things aren't bad but telling your friends you support the military is one thing actually supporting the military and their families is another. How are YOU supporting our US military?
Here is my list of things you can do to show support!
(The cool thing is that most military families don't expect anything for their service to our country. So, when you do something nice for them - even saying thank you - we appreciate it more than you could ever know!!)
Get Educated: Know the facts! Read a map and at least learn where Afghanistan & Iraq are located, and then teach your children.
Write your Congressman! (See post below about what nearly happened with the budget.)
On average an E-2 (PV2 - Private 2nd Class) earns $1,644.90 a month before taxes! If they have dependents (wife & or children) they are given $990 a month for housing or $828 if they are single. I used Fort Bragg, NC as a reference. It does change based on location. If you are single and a PV2 you likely live in barracks, but if you have a family you probably have to find an apartment somewhere due to housing shortages. These young soldiers are working way more than 40 hours a week!
Average salary for a Congressman: $174,000 per year in 2010 - And I'm not even doing a job comparison but you think about this.
Make a donation to The Fisher House in honor- memory of a soldier or their family. The Fisher House is kind of like the Ronald McDonald House for Military Families or at least that is the best way I know to describe it.
Visit your local VA Hospital or Nursing Home. Find out where it is and what you can do to help out. They don't expect much. Sit and let them tell you stories. If they are unable to speak just sit and be present. Did you even know that there are Nursing Homes filled with Veterans?
Mow a soldier's lawn, leave a plant on their doorstep, make them a meal, & attach a note of thanks! They've stayed up tireless hours keeping watch over the enemy to keep you safe! If the soldier is deployed do this for their spouse.
Put service members and their families on your prayer list at church. Pray for them often! Send them a weekly copy of the church bulletin if they are not attending your church to remind them that you are thinking of them!
Put together a care package and send it overseas. If you can do it without asking the spouse for anything other than the address that would be great! We got to know 2 sisters b/c they took turns sending my husband packages each month. He said it was like Christmas and was always happy to see what surprises they had in the box. These 2 wonderful women made a huge impact, and I don't even know if they realized it! They just did it and they hardly knew us. Deployed soldiers should be overwhelmed with packages and letters!! You could even send things to their family members who are at home. Remember if the soldier doesn't like something in his care package he will share it with someone else. Fill a box with things that you would miss if you were away from home and couldn't get to a store. Examples: Your favorite book, gift card to Amazon (sometimes, they ship to APO's), i-tunes gift cards, bag of coffee or box of tea, new toothbrush & toothpaste (again, pick the kind that you would want - these are soldiers fighting for your freedom not prisoners), stationary, new pack of pens, this list could go on. A 6 month to a year magazine subscription. Just be thoughtful and remember to include a note of thanks!
Call your friend and give them a choice of 2 or 3 dates. Then, tell them you are taking them out or if they have children tell them you are coming over to watch the kids for a few hours. If you say, "How can I help?" we will not tell you or ask you b/c we don't want you to think we can't do it all. So, you just have to do it! We appreciate it more than you know.
If you are a business owner offer a small discount or offer a special sale for military families with id. We don't expect discounts, but we appreciate them. Again, look at what the enlisted soldiers make. 5 or 10% goes a long way! I will give a shout out to Lowes here. With all of our moving there is always a different house with different needs. We choose to shop at Lowes b/c that 10% discount really adds up over time! Thanks!!
Offer up your time share or vacation home to a military family at a low price. We never know when our spouse will actually get time off. This means if we actually do take a vacation we plan it at the last minute which means that we often have to pay more.
Donate frequent flyer miles to a friend - family member who is stationed far away so that they can come home or take a much needed vacation.
Roll their trash out to the curb. (Especially helpful when spouse is deployed & there are kids at home)
Donate a gift card to anywhere for anything to a soldier or spouse and tell them it is for their FRG group or if you have a business offer a reduced rate for gatherings. In the Army FRG stands for Family Readiness Group - This is typically run by the commander's spouse or any other spouse who volunteers. They are mostly active right before and during deployments. They have a phone chain to keep family members up to date and plan events where families can get together to talk about the deployment. The crazy thing is that unless something has changed in the past 2 years FRG groups can only raise funds within the Army. There are very specific and tricky guidelines. They cannot ask for outside donations or at least those were the rules when I worked with the FRG. We could, however, take "unsolicited" donations such as gift cards. Um, yeah how do you do that? Gift cards can be used for everything from purchasing food for an event, to pay for bowling, the movies, etc.... be creative. You don't have to pay for everyone, but the FRG Leader can use the money like scholarship money to help those younger families in need who can't afford to go to FRG events.
Doctors - Staff @ Front desks: I realize you are overworked and understaffed sometimes. I also know that our insurance doesn't pay that great. It is so hard to find specialists that take our insurance. Some family practitioners and pediatricians won't take our insurance either. Getting seen as a new patient can be a nightmare b/c offices won't see you if you are sick and must have a well check first. I know this rule applies to everyone, but we aren't usually moving down the street. We are moving to a new town and in a stressful situation. Throw in sick children and the inability to have them seen at a doctor's office and it is enough to send someone over the edge. There is no time to wait in the ER when you are moving. Lastly, staff be kind to military families when they make appointments. We know that our insurance doesn't pay top dollar for services, but we are hard working people just like you and deserve a little respect. Don't complain or fuss at us about having Tricare. It makes us feel bad, and that is unnecessary. Write your congressman and tell them to do something about Tricare not us. Not everyone with Tricare is Active Duty military but if I hand you my military id that says, "Active Duty Spouse" please, be kind.
If you are a photographer offer to do a photo shoot for the family. If the soldier is deployed make a book and send it over seas.
Come over for a visit. Sit and just listen without giving advice unless we ask for it.
Just say, "Thank you!"
Remember there are military personnel and their families living all over the world. That means they might live next door or they might live in Germany. Don't forget about them. Keep it simple and use your own talent. A little thoughtfulness and creativity go a long way!!!
It isn't actually what you say but how you say it. (click to see article below on what NOT to say) Tone of voice goes a long way. The things on the do not say don't bother me so much when they come from really close friends who are by my side living my life with me on a day to day basis. It's the day to day people that I come across or people I haven't seen in years who ask those questions in such a way as to make me feel like I am living the worst possible life. Their questions - comments sound like my husband went to prison for doing something awful instead of serving our country. (Example: The question about "How much longer does he have before he can get out?") Again, if you read the prior note I tried to rephrase some of the questions/comments to get you thinking about saying things in a more positive way.
The truth is that I want to live my life like everyone else. This is my normal, and while it isn't always easy nobody's life is! I don't feel sorry for myself. So, why should you feel sorry for me? I have a roof over my head, healthy children (most days anyway), food on the table, & family, & friends who love me unconditionally. I have a wonderfully blessed life!
Instead of thinking, "Poor her" think, "I'm so happy to have a life here in the U.S. where soldiers VOLUNTEER to keep me & my family safe!" Then, DO something to show your appreciation for the US Military. While I'm sure people appreciate Facebook Post showing support to the military and forwarded e-mails let's face it less than 1% of the US Population are in the military. Less than 1% people!!! That means maybe 1 person on your FB list is in the military or has military connections. If they are deployed they probably don't see that FB status. Wouldn't it mean more to take a few minutes out of your day to send them a real letter or post card of appreciation? Again, those things aren't bad but telling your friends you support the military is one thing actually supporting the military and their families is another. How are YOU supporting our US military?
Here is my list of things you can do to show support!
(The cool thing is that most military families don't expect anything for their service to our country. So, when you do something nice for them - even saying thank you - we appreciate it more than you could ever know!!)
Get Educated: Know the facts! Read a map and at least learn where Afghanistan & Iraq are located, and then teach your children.
Write your Congressman! (See post below about what nearly happened with the budget.)
On average an E-2 (PV2 - Private 2nd Class) earns $1,644.90 a month before taxes! If they have dependents (wife & or children) they are given $990 a month for housing or $828 if they are single. I used Fort Bragg, NC as a reference. It does change based on location. If you are single and a PV2 you likely live in barracks, but if you have a family you probably have to find an apartment somewhere due to housing shortages. These young soldiers are working way more than 40 hours a week!
Average salary for a Congressman: $174,000 per year in 2010 - And I'm not even doing a job comparison but you think about this.
Make a donation to The Fisher House in honor- memory of a soldier or their family. The Fisher House is kind of like the Ronald McDonald House for Military Families or at least that is the best way I know to describe it.
Visit your local VA Hospital or Nursing Home. Find out where it is and what you can do to help out. They don't expect much. Sit and let them tell you stories. If they are unable to speak just sit and be present. Did you even know that there are Nursing Homes filled with Veterans?
Mow a soldier's lawn, leave a plant on their doorstep, make them a meal, & attach a note of thanks! They've stayed up tireless hours keeping watch over the enemy to keep you safe! If the soldier is deployed do this for their spouse.
Put service members and their families on your prayer list at church. Pray for them often! Send them a weekly copy of the church bulletin if they are not attending your church to remind them that you are thinking of them!
Put together a care package and send it overseas. If you can do it without asking the spouse for anything other than the address that would be great! We got to know 2 sisters b/c they took turns sending my husband packages each month. He said it was like Christmas and was always happy to see what surprises they had in the box. These 2 wonderful women made a huge impact, and I don't even know if they realized it! They just did it and they hardly knew us. Deployed soldiers should be overwhelmed with packages and letters!! You could even send things to their family members who are at home. Remember if the soldier doesn't like something in his care package he will share it with someone else. Fill a box with things that you would miss if you were away from home and couldn't get to a store. Examples: Your favorite book, gift card to Amazon (sometimes, they ship to APO's), i-tunes gift cards, bag of coffee or box of tea, new toothbrush & toothpaste (again, pick the kind that you would want - these are soldiers fighting for your freedom not prisoners), stationary, new pack of pens, this list could go on. A 6 month to a year magazine subscription. Just be thoughtful and remember to include a note of thanks!
Call your friend and give them a choice of 2 or 3 dates. Then, tell them you are taking them out or if they have children tell them you are coming over to watch the kids for a few hours. If you say, "How can I help?" we will not tell you or ask you b/c we don't want you to think we can't do it all. So, you just have to do it! We appreciate it more than you know.
If you are a business owner offer a small discount or offer a special sale for military families with id. We don't expect discounts, but we appreciate them. Again, look at what the enlisted soldiers make. 5 or 10% goes a long way! I will give a shout out to Lowes here. With all of our moving there is always a different house with different needs. We choose to shop at Lowes b/c that 10% discount really adds up over time! Thanks!!
Offer up your time share or vacation home to a military family at a low price. We never know when our spouse will actually get time off. This means if we actually do take a vacation we plan it at the last minute which means that we often have to pay more.
Donate frequent flyer miles to a friend - family member who is stationed far away so that they can come home or take a much needed vacation.
Roll their trash out to the curb. (Especially helpful when spouse is deployed & there are kids at home)
Donate a gift card to anywhere for anything to a soldier or spouse and tell them it is for their FRG group or if you have a business offer a reduced rate for gatherings. In the Army FRG stands for Family Readiness Group - This is typically run by the commander's spouse or any other spouse who volunteers. They are mostly active right before and during deployments. They have a phone chain to keep family members up to date and plan events where families can get together to talk about the deployment. The crazy thing is that unless something has changed in the past 2 years FRG groups can only raise funds within the Army. There are very specific and tricky guidelines. They cannot ask for outside donations or at least those were the rules when I worked with the FRG. We could, however, take "unsolicited" donations such as gift cards. Um, yeah how do you do that? Gift cards can be used for everything from purchasing food for an event, to pay for bowling, the movies, etc.... be creative. You don't have to pay for everyone, but the FRG Leader can use the money like scholarship money to help those younger families in need who can't afford to go to FRG events.
Doctors - Staff @ Front desks: I realize you are overworked and understaffed sometimes. I also know that our insurance doesn't pay that great. It is so hard to find specialists that take our insurance. Some family practitioners and pediatricians won't take our insurance either. Getting seen as a new patient can be a nightmare b/c offices won't see you if you are sick and must have a well check first. I know this rule applies to everyone, but we aren't usually moving down the street. We are moving to a new town and in a stressful situation. Throw in sick children and the inability to have them seen at a doctor's office and it is enough to send someone over the edge. There is no time to wait in the ER when you are moving. Lastly, staff be kind to military families when they make appointments. We know that our insurance doesn't pay top dollar for services, but we are hard working people just like you and deserve a little respect. Don't complain or fuss at us about having Tricare. It makes us feel bad, and that is unnecessary. Write your congressman and tell them to do something about Tricare not us. Not everyone with Tricare is Active Duty military but if I hand you my military id that says, "Active Duty Spouse" please, be kind.
If you are a photographer offer to do a photo shoot for the family. If the soldier is deployed make a book and send it over seas.
Come over for a visit. Sit and just listen without giving advice unless we ask for it.
Just say, "Thank you!"
Remember there are military personnel and their families living all over the world. That means they might live next door or they might live in Germany. Don't forget about them. Keep it simple and use your own talent. A little thoughtfulness and creativity go a long way!!!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
El Refugio - Shelter for Abused Women in Guatemala
Hey Y'all! I hope you all aren't tired of hearing me talk about El Refugio in Guatemala b/c here I go again! I am including the rough copy of the speech I gave a while back. I use it as a guideline when I talk to people about the shelter. So, ignore grammar errors, etc... Also know that these are my own personal thoughts - stories and not the opinions of others. I don't promise to always be 100% accurate, but I try to come close.
I got an e-mail from Chris with El Refugio letting me know that they are short on funding. Right now they will only be able to keep their doors open until the end of May. However, they are not giving up hope! Everyone is stretching their money as far as they can these days. I'm hoping there is a way to stretch it a little further. The dream is for there to be enough money to purchase a new shelter. Then, they would not have to pay rent! The new house would be a larger facility to house more women, offer a craft room for the micro-enterprise, a yard for the children to play in, and a place for a garden.
Because I am moving and the shelter may close I feel like my opportunity to help is running short on time! If you know of a great easy fundraiser or of a foundation that gives Grant money to faith based organizations please, pass along the information. Remember that anything helps! Pass along website links on FB, Twitter, Blogs, E-mails, wherever in order to spread the word.
Thanks y'all! These women appreciate it more than you will ever know!! God has a plan for all of this. I just wish he'd reveal it soon b/c I need sleep!
Rebecca
Links for El Refugio: There are several ministries working together for the greater good:
http://www.weavinghopeministry.org/
http://emmanuelsheart.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=11&Itemid=13
Purchase Jewelry Here:
http://www.reparandomovie.com/shopping-cart/store/category/jewelry/
My Story:
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak to you about a cause dear to my heart & soul! El Refugio - A Unique Shelter for Abused Women & Their Children in Guatemala looking not just to put a band aid on a huge unspoken problem, but instead working with one woman at a time to heal her broken body & spirit by giving her medical care, counseling, education, and life skills to support herself & her family once she leaves the shelter and goes back into her community.
Before I get into the details of the shelter & how I became involved, I want to give you more information about Guatemala.
First off I wondered how many of you actually know where Guatemala is located? The reason I ask is b/c when I first heard we were moving there I honestly had know idea other than that it was somewhere below Mexico in Latin America. "Where is Guatemala & do they speak Spanish?" are usually the first 2 questions that I am asked. Guatemala is located south of Mexico. On its northern borders are Mexico & Belize. Then on the South side are El Salvador & Honduras. On the West is the Pacific Ocean & the East is the Caribbean Sea. Spanish is the national language of Guatemala. However, there are also 22 indigenous languages still used by many. In Guatemala City, I never had any issues using my broken Spanglish, but whenever we visited other areas it always proved to be a challenge to understand what people were saying.
Within hours of arriving in Guatemala, we were given a security briefing. One of the very first things that we learned is that 96 percent of the murders in Guatemala go unsolved. That statement seems unreal, but it is true. There is tons of corruption within the military, government, police, etc… due to a civil war in Guatemala that only ended in 1996 causing the country to continue to remain in turmoil. We were told that if the police came to our door not to answer it. We had a safe room in our house. We were to take our family to the safe room and call Embassy Security on a secure radio to come & handle the matter. It is not uncommon for police to be involved in kidnapping, theft, or murder. It was unsafe for us - An American Family affiliated with the U.S. Army to call the police or answer the door for them. Can you imagine what it would be like to be a local in need of Emergency Assistance much less a poor abused indigenous woman with children living in a remote village?
If that isn't enough Gang Violence in Guatemala is unreal! The main transportation for people in Guatemala is the bus system. We were told under no circumstances were we to ever ride on one of these buses! The buses are old run down American School Buses that are no longer safe for use in the U.S. The majority are painted red and so crammed with people that once I saw guys holding onto the windows outside the bus while others were on top holding onto the roof rack! Thus, the nickname, "Chicken Buses!" Not only is the physical/mechanical condition unsafe, but they are unsafe because of gangs. When a bus pulls into certain territories it is common for gangs to stop the bus drivers (Who are often teenage boys) and ask them for money. If the bus driver does not produce the exact amount of money needed the bus driver is shot and killed. At one point while we were living there the gangs became organized and killed several bus drivers at the same time of day.
Another story about gang violence I'd like to share is about a woman I came in contact with a little over a year ago. Her husband had been killed in a car accident a few years back. She was left to care for her 4 children. One of whom has Down's Syndrome. This woman owned her own hair salon and was able to use the money to care for her family after her husband's death. Eventually, the gang members realized her business was doing well, and they began robbing her requesting specific amounts of money. They told her that if she did not continue to pay them what they were asking they would go into her home and murder all of her children. She was forced to flee her shop, home, & family support. (I got a Christmas Card from her this year letting me know they are making it & saying she would never forget our kindness! Wow!)
Being robbed at gunpoint is not uncommon. I can think of about 5 people that I know who were robbed at gun point during our 10 months there, and I even knew a guy who was kidnapped. They took him out of his taxi by gunpoint, took him to an atm, robbed him of his money & possessions, and left him. We were told that the good thing about being an American was that as long as we handed over our money, cell phone, or other material items and did not put up a fight odds were in our favor that they would not kill or kidnap us. Most were just looking for quick and easy money. As Americans all of our money is tied up in the U.S. So, kidnapping us would be more difficult. It is much easier to stalk & kidnap a local wealthy person for a hefty ransom.
B/c of the high crime there were guards everywhere! Just a few examples: Kids on my sons' soccer team had their own personal body guards, guards in front of McDonalds, the grocery stores, pharmacies, personal garages, the kids' school, our apartment building. Along with the guards there is razor wire. There were days when the entire country resembled a prison, and it was often hard to over look the dangers & poverty and see the beautiful volcanoes and true hardworking spirit of the Guatemalan People.
A study done a few years back by George Mason University said: 49 % of the 1,000 women surveyed in Sacatepequez, Guatemala, have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused, 75% by an intimate male partner.
Taken from Amnesty International:
"According to comprehensive analysis by Amnesty International, In Guatemala, over 2,500 women and girls have been murdered since 2001. In Guatemala some of the victims had their throats cut, were beaten, shot or stabbed to death. Many of their bodies showed signs of rape, torture, mutilation or dismemberment. A range of motives are reflected and both state and non-state actors are involved, but in all cases the victim's gender is a significant factor, in both the kind of violence perpetrated and in the level of response by authorities."
"In early 2006 the Guatemalan "Rape Law" (Article 200) whereby a rapist could escape charges by offering to marry his victim, was deemed unconstitutional. However, legislation addressing violence against women in Guatemala remains severely deficient. For example, Guatemalan law prohibits domestic abuse, but does not provide prison sentences for cases of domestic abuse and prevents abusers from being charged with assault if bruises do not remain visible for at least 10 days. The Guatemalan Special Prosecutor for Crimes Against Women reported that her office receives approximately 800 reports of domestic violence per month, with some of those cases ending in murder and that those murders could be prevented if Guatemalan law provided for prison sentences in cases of domestic violence. As of June 2006, of the over six hundred cases of women reported murdered in 2005, to Amnesty International's knowledge, only two convictions had taken place."
It is because of situations like this that the term "Femicide" is being used in describing the murders of Guatemalan Women & Girls. The term was first used in England in 1801 to signify "the killing of a woman". In Guatemala women are considered to be inferior to men and their deaths are not punished. This is a society where the abuse of women is considered "normal!" Give example of giving the money for the driver's license and for the sister's school and how the mom yelled at me b/c the brother was more deserving simply b/c he was the only male.
Story of Carolina - Her husband left her caring for her 3 children in order to go to the US in search of a better paying job. She wanted to have her tubes tied to prevent anymore pregnancies if he returned. The doctor refused to do the surgery unless a male with authority signed the paperwork allowing her to have her tubes tied. In this case they allowed her father to give his approval for the surgery.
After all of this negativity I was starting to wonder what I could do to help. That is when God introduced me to some amazing women. I can hardly believe that it has been more than a year since I came in contact with the women of El Refugio. I was at a coffee festival and spotted their very bare table in the corner. It was the first time they had ever taken their products out into the public to sell. They were selling jewelry made from real roasted coffee beans. I was intrigued by the uniqueness of this jewelry. I had never seen anything like it during my travels around the country. Thankfully, one of the women spoke some English & helped explain everything to me. The jewelry was made by women living in a shelter (El Refugio) for abused women & their children. I wanted more information and wanted to know how I could help. So, she scribbled her name, email, and number on a tiny scrap of paper for me. From there I was able to contact the founders of the shelter and research its credibility.
You see because of the corruption in Guatemala I was hesitant to get involved with any type of shelter. Sadly, many orphanages and other organizations claiming to do good work don't actually do it. Sure, they help a little but too often the money is misused and the people are mistreated. Thankfully, that is not the case with El Refugio. All of their information can be found such as a monthly newsletter & information on current women/children in the shelter @ http://www.weavinghopeministry.org/
The shelter is a part of Hope Bible Mission which has non-profit status here in the U.S. It is run by an amazing staff, and I was blessed to meet several staff members & some of the founders of the shelter Dr. Mike Soderling (former OBGYN) & his wife Chris. Mike & Christ are wonderful American missionaries who are devoting their lives to bettering the lives of women in Guatemala. Unfortunately, while I was in I was never able to travel to the actual shelter. There were some safety concerns & our Security would not approve a visit. Instead, the women - 10 of them & Mike drove nearly 2 hours to meet me!
When I was in Guatemala I was the organizer for AMIGO (American Mission in Guatemala Outreach). We raised a small amount of money and used it to purchase household items for the shelter as well as a loofa sponge & bar of soap for each woman at the shelter. Seriously, there having your own bar of soap and sponge is a big deal! Especially to a woman who has fled her home with only the clothes on her back!! Anyway, originally I agreed to pay for a taxi if they would send 2 representatives from the shelter to pick up the wrapped Christmas Gifts, but they were so thrilled with just the idea of receiving gifts for the shelter that they borrowed a van and almost every person involved came to meet my group! It was overwhelming to see the joy and appreciation in the eyes of these women. One of them had just arrived at the shelter the night before with her children. We had no idea she was staying at the shelter and threw together gifts for her children at the last minute b/c we didn't want them to leave empty handed. As they were all getting into the van to leave I called the newest woman at the shelter over and handed her the the Q100 (about $13 US dollars - more than a day's wages) that I had in my pocket for the cab fare. I told her in the best Spanish that I could that I wanted her to take the money and buy something for herself and her children. She fell to the ground at my feet in tears. It was truly the most humbling moment of my life.
What someone pointed out later was that this woman had been told her whole life that she didn't matter…… that she wasn't worth anything. Now, a complete stranger has given her something and told her she matters & that she is worth it. I learned that a simple gesture can actually help end the cycle of violence. It really doesn't take that much. It is a moment that will I will carry with me for the rest of my life!
Since that time my friends in Guatemala have visited the shelter and were quite impressed with what they found. I have continued to stay in touch with the shelter via e-mail and Skype. They took a leap of faith and mailed me a huge box of their coffee jewelry, and I am selling it for them. The women who come to the shelter are learning to make the jewelry which has turned into a micro-enterprise. The shelter in turn pays the women for each piece that they make. The rest of the money from the sales goes back to the shelter and helps to keep its doors open. Of course the money from the jewelry sales isn't that much which means that they are always seeking money from donations & outside fundraisers. While at the shelter the women receive Counseling, mentoring, children's education, adult education & training, physical care, and on a very limited basis follow up and support after they re-enter society. They even have a very brave lawyer who works to get restraining orders when possible and deal with other legal matters.
They are currently seeking ideas for fundraising, donations, & prayers concerning a new shelter. The shelter they are now using is very small and they often turn away women and children. They have found the perfect property and are working on purchasing it. This property can house 10 women and children, plus staff! It has a garden to help them be self sustaining, a play area for children, and a room for sewing/making jewelry in order to grow the micro-enterprise part of the shelter. 10 women may not seem like a lot, but in a country where violence against women is so common sometimes starting with only 1 is all it takes! For more information on the new shelter go to : https://sites.google.com/site/elrefugiofundraiser/home
And that is my story!
I got an e-mail from Chris with El Refugio letting me know that they are short on funding. Right now they will only be able to keep their doors open until the end of May. However, they are not giving up hope! Everyone is stretching their money as far as they can these days. I'm hoping there is a way to stretch it a little further. The dream is for there to be enough money to purchase a new shelter. Then, they would not have to pay rent! The new house would be a larger facility to house more women, offer a craft room for the micro-enterprise, a yard for the children to play in, and a place for a garden.
Because I am moving and the shelter may close I feel like my opportunity to help is running short on time! If you know of a great easy fundraiser or of a foundation that gives Grant money to faith based organizations please, pass along the information. Remember that anything helps! Pass along website links on FB, Twitter, Blogs, E-mails, wherever in order to spread the word.
Thanks y'all! These women appreciate it more than you will ever know!! God has a plan for all of this. I just wish he'd reveal it soon b/c I need sleep!
Rebecca
Links for El Refugio: There are several ministries working together for the greater good:
http://www.weavinghopeministry.org/
http://emmanuelsheart.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=11&Itemid=13
Purchase Jewelry Here:
http://www.reparandomovie.com/shopping-cart/store/category/jewelry/
My Story:
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak to you about a cause dear to my heart & soul! El Refugio - A Unique Shelter for Abused Women & Their Children in Guatemala looking not just to put a band aid on a huge unspoken problem, but instead working with one woman at a time to heal her broken body & spirit by giving her medical care, counseling, education, and life skills to support herself & her family once she leaves the shelter and goes back into her community.
Before I get into the details of the shelter & how I became involved, I want to give you more information about Guatemala.
First off I wondered how many of you actually know where Guatemala is located? The reason I ask is b/c when I first heard we were moving there I honestly had know idea other than that it was somewhere below Mexico in Latin America. "Where is Guatemala & do they speak Spanish?" are usually the first 2 questions that I am asked. Guatemala is located south of Mexico. On its northern borders are Mexico & Belize. Then on the South side are El Salvador & Honduras. On the West is the Pacific Ocean & the East is the Caribbean Sea. Spanish is the national language of Guatemala. However, there are also 22 indigenous languages still used by many. In Guatemala City, I never had any issues using my broken Spanglish, but whenever we visited other areas it always proved to be a challenge to understand what people were saying.
Within hours of arriving in Guatemala, we were given a security briefing. One of the very first things that we learned is that 96 percent of the murders in Guatemala go unsolved. That statement seems unreal, but it is true. There is tons of corruption within the military, government, police, etc… due to a civil war in Guatemala that only ended in 1996 causing the country to continue to remain in turmoil. We were told that if the police came to our door not to answer it. We had a safe room in our house. We were to take our family to the safe room and call Embassy Security on a secure radio to come & handle the matter. It is not uncommon for police to be involved in kidnapping, theft, or murder. It was unsafe for us - An American Family affiliated with the U.S. Army to call the police or answer the door for them. Can you imagine what it would be like to be a local in need of Emergency Assistance much less a poor abused indigenous woman with children living in a remote village?
If that isn't enough Gang Violence in Guatemala is unreal! The main transportation for people in Guatemala is the bus system. We were told under no circumstances were we to ever ride on one of these buses! The buses are old run down American School Buses that are no longer safe for use in the U.S. The majority are painted red and so crammed with people that once I saw guys holding onto the windows outside the bus while others were on top holding onto the roof rack! Thus, the nickname, "Chicken Buses!" Not only is the physical/mechanical condition unsafe, but they are unsafe because of gangs. When a bus pulls into certain territories it is common for gangs to stop the bus drivers (Who are often teenage boys) and ask them for money. If the bus driver does not produce the exact amount of money needed the bus driver is shot and killed. At one point while we were living there the gangs became organized and killed several bus drivers at the same time of day.
Another story about gang violence I'd like to share is about a woman I came in contact with a little over a year ago. Her husband had been killed in a car accident a few years back. She was left to care for her 4 children. One of whom has Down's Syndrome. This woman owned her own hair salon and was able to use the money to care for her family after her husband's death. Eventually, the gang members realized her business was doing well, and they began robbing her requesting specific amounts of money. They told her that if she did not continue to pay them what they were asking they would go into her home and murder all of her children. She was forced to flee her shop, home, & family support. (I got a Christmas Card from her this year letting me know they are making it & saying she would never forget our kindness! Wow!)
Being robbed at gunpoint is not uncommon. I can think of about 5 people that I know who were robbed at gun point during our 10 months there, and I even knew a guy who was kidnapped. They took him out of his taxi by gunpoint, took him to an atm, robbed him of his money & possessions, and left him. We were told that the good thing about being an American was that as long as we handed over our money, cell phone, or other material items and did not put up a fight odds were in our favor that they would not kill or kidnap us. Most were just looking for quick and easy money. As Americans all of our money is tied up in the U.S. So, kidnapping us would be more difficult. It is much easier to stalk & kidnap a local wealthy person for a hefty ransom.
B/c of the high crime there were guards everywhere! Just a few examples: Kids on my sons' soccer team had their own personal body guards, guards in front of McDonalds, the grocery stores, pharmacies, personal garages, the kids' school, our apartment building. Along with the guards there is razor wire. There were days when the entire country resembled a prison, and it was often hard to over look the dangers & poverty and see the beautiful volcanoes and true hardworking spirit of the Guatemalan People.
A study done a few years back by George Mason University said: 49 % of the 1,000 women surveyed in Sacatepequez, Guatemala, have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused, 75% by an intimate male partner.
Taken from Amnesty International:
"According to comprehensive analysis by Amnesty International, In Guatemala, over 2,500 women and girls have been murdered since 2001. In Guatemala some of the victims had their throats cut, were beaten, shot or stabbed to death. Many of their bodies showed signs of rape, torture, mutilation or dismemberment. A range of motives are reflected and both state and non-state actors are involved, but in all cases the victim's gender is a significant factor, in both the kind of violence perpetrated and in the level of response by authorities."
"In early 2006 the Guatemalan "Rape Law" (Article 200) whereby a rapist could escape charges by offering to marry his victim, was deemed unconstitutional. However, legislation addressing violence against women in Guatemala remains severely deficient. For example, Guatemalan law prohibits domestic abuse, but does not provide prison sentences for cases of domestic abuse and prevents abusers from being charged with assault if bruises do not remain visible for at least 10 days. The Guatemalan Special Prosecutor for Crimes Against Women reported that her office receives approximately 800 reports of domestic violence per month, with some of those cases ending in murder and that those murders could be prevented if Guatemalan law provided for prison sentences in cases of domestic violence. As of June 2006, of the over six hundred cases of women reported murdered in 2005, to Amnesty International's knowledge, only two convictions had taken place."
It is because of situations like this that the term "Femicide" is being used in describing the murders of Guatemalan Women & Girls. The term was first used in England in 1801 to signify "the killing of a woman". In Guatemala women are considered to be inferior to men and their deaths are not punished. This is a society where the abuse of women is considered "normal!" Give example of giving the money for the driver's license and for the sister's school and how the mom yelled at me b/c the brother was more deserving simply b/c he was the only male.
Story of Carolina - Her husband left her caring for her 3 children in order to go to the US in search of a better paying job. She wanted to have her tubes tied to prevent anymore pregnancies if he returned. The doctor refused to do the surgery unless a male with authority signed the paperwork allowing her to have her tubes tied. In this case they allowed her father to give his approval for the surgery.
After all of this negativity I was starting to wonder what I could do to help. That is when God introduced me to some amazing women. I can hardly believe that it has been more than a year since I came in contact with the women of El Refugio. I was at a coffee festival and spotted their very bare table in the corner. It was the first time they had ever taken their products out into the public to sell. They were selling jewelry made from real roasted coffee beans. I was intrigued by the uniqueness of this jewelry. I had never seen anything like it during my travels around the country. Thankfully, one of the women spoke some English & helped explain everything to me. The jewelry was made by women living in a shelter (El Refugio) for abused women & their children. I wanted more information and wanted to know how I could help. So, she scribbled her name, email, and number on a tiny scrap of paper for me. From there I was able to contact the founders of the shelter and research its credibility.
You see because of the corruption in Guatemala I was hesitant to get involved with any type of shelter. Sadly, many orphanages and other organizations claiming to do good work don't actually do it. Sure, they help a little but too often the money is misused and the people are mistreated. Thankfully, that is not the case with El Refugio. All of their information can be found such as a monthly newsletter & information on current women/children in the shelter @ http://www.weavinghopeministry.org/
The shelter is a part of Hope Bible Mission which has non-profit status here in the U.S. It is run by an amazing staff, and I was blessed to meet several staff members & some of the founders of the shelter Dr. Mike Soderling (former OBGYN) & his wife Chris. Mike & Christ are wonderful American missionaries who are devoting their lives to bettering the lives of women in Guatemala. Unfortunately, while I was in I was never able to travel to the actual shelter. There were some safety concerns & our Security would not approve a visit. Instead, the women - 10 of them & Mike drove nearly 2 hours to meet me!
When I was in Guatemala I was the organizer for AMIGO (American Mission in Guatemala Outreach). We raised a small amount of money and used it to purchase household items for the shelter as well as a loofa sponge & bar of soap for each woman at the shelter. Seriously, there having your own bar of soap and sponge is a big deal! Especially to a woman who has fled her home with only the clothes on her back!! Anyway, originally I agreed to pay for a taxi if they would send 2 representatives from the shelter to pick up the wrapped Christmas Gifts, but they were so thrilled with just the idea of receiving gifts for the shelter that they borrowed a van and almost every person involved came to meet my group! It was overwhelming to see the joy and appreciation in the eyes of these women. One of them had just arrived at the shelter the night before with her children. We had no idea she was staying at the shelter and threw together gifts for her children at the last minute b/c we didn't want them to leave empty handed. As they were all getting into the van to leave I called the newest woman at the shelter over and handed her the the Q100 (about $13 US dollars - more than a day's wages) that I had in my pocket for the cab fare. I told her in the best Spanish that I could that I wanted her to take the money and buy something for herself and her children. She fell to the ground at my feet in tears. It was truly the most humbling moment of my life.
What someone pointed out later was that this woman had been told her whole life that she didn't matter…… that she wasn't worth anything. Now, a complete stranger has given her something and told her she matters & that she is worth it. I learned that a simple gesture can actually help end the cycle of violence. It really doesn't take that much. It is a moment that will I will carry with me for the rest of my life!
Since that time my friends in Guatemala have visited the shelter and were quite impressed with what they found. I have continued to stay in touch with the shelter via e-mail and Skype. They took a leap of faith and mailed me a huge box of their coffee jewelry, and I am selling it for them. The women who come to the shelter are learning to make the jewelry which has turned into a micro-enterprise. The shelter in turn pays the women for each piece that they make. The rest of the money from the sales goes back to the shelter and helps to keep its doors open. Of course the money from the jewelry sales isn't that much which means that they are always seeking money from donations & outside fundraisers. While at the shelter the women receive Counseling, mentoring, children's education, adult education & training, physical care, and on a very limited basis follow up and support after they re-enter society. They even have a very brave lawyer who works to get restraining orders when possible and deal with other legal matters.
They are currently seeking ideas for fundraising, donations, & prayers concerning a new shelter. The shelter they are now using is very small and they often turn away women and children. They have found the perfect property and are working on purchasing it. This property can house 10 women and children, plus staff! It has a garden to help them be self sustaining, a play area for children, and a room for sewing/making jewelry in order to grow the micro-enterprise part of the shelter. 10 women may not seem like a lot, but in a country where violence against women is so common sometimes starting with only 1 is all it takes! For more information on the new shelter go to : https://sites.google.com/site/elrefugiofundraiser/home
And that is my story!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
For Sarah F.
Dear Sayra,
Are you reading? Do you and the FB world even notice that I am still gone? Just thought I'd give you a shout out and let you know that it's almost over! ;) Well, that is unless I give it up permanently..........
Cheers,
Becca
Are you reading? Do you and the FB world even notice that I am still gone? Just thought I'd give you a shout out and let you know that it's almost over! ;) Well, that is unless I give it up permanently..........
Cheers,
Becca
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What Not to Say to a Military Wife
I found this article online today. There have been a ton of articles this week concerning military families b/c it is Military Families Week. I was curious when I saw this one and what they would say b/c I've often thought of writing up my own list. I may still write my own, but for now I'll just share this one noting that number 2, 6, 8, & 14 would likely be my top 4! And while it isn't something people say I'd also like to add forwards about soldiers - supporting military to the list as well b/c I have lost count at the number of these e-mails I have received!
I get that you are trying to show me that you are thinking of soldiers by passing an e-mail along to friends, but I don't want to read it. In fact I quit reading all forwards entirely b/c I got tired of seeing photos of coffins draped with flags, empty boots, Arlington National Cemetery, soldiers in the desert, and my favorite was the photo of a mother with her boys receiving a flag at her husband's funeral.... all followed with the message that soldiers & their families make the ultimate sacrifice, and how we should support our troops by forwarding that e-mail. REALLY?
I am going to comment in italics and different type besides some of these numbers. Please, don't take offense if you've don't these things. I know you don't understand my life and that you just don't know what to say. However, sometimes, I get tired of sucking it up and just want to tell you what I think. I figure if this writer can say it. So can I! After all, this is my blog.
What Not to Say to a Military Wife
He's doing his job and he's tough. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our military fights the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad and you stay safe. **(Yes, please do not feel sorry for me or my children b/c we live the life that we do. We love God, our country, our freedoms, and our soldier. While it isn't easy, we aren't sorry! We live our live moment to moment and don't take one single thing for granted! Can you say that about your life?)
This story was told to Stephanie Gaskell by Kristina Tipton. Tipton, married to a Navy Seabee who has deployed three times, including a tour in Iraq, is stationed in Naples, Italy. She and her husband, Tim, have two children. This story originally appeared on The War Report.
I'm adding a few things here:
15. Why is the Army making you move? Don't you have a choice in where you go?
Wow, nope! While we can give a wish list the Army sends us where they have the greatest need. The Army has final say in when we move, how often we move, where we move, and sometimes, what house we live in.
16. Well, at least you'll have military housing when you get to your next location!
Again, No. There is not enough housing on military bases. We arrive with our family and live in a hotel until we find something to buy or rent temporarily. There can be a 6 month waiting list for housing and most Army posts do not allow you to put your name on that list until you physically arrive and sign in saying you are officially there for duty!
In our case we are assigned to countries where there are no military bases. In fact in our next location there may not be another "Army" family in the whole country and only a handful of other military personnel. We will live in that country in a regular neighborhood. If you think moving to a new town here in the US for your spouses job try doing it overseas with a different language, different culture, and different kind of money! Now, that's an adventure!
Please, don't ask me how I do it! I don't know! Really, that's the truth. There is no magic formula. I am no different from you. I am just a woman/wife/mother living a different kind of life with a lot of Faith and Trust In God. Without that I just couldn't do it. I know that in the end God is in control and has a great plan. I trust that plan and look forward to watching it unfold!
Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I believe it!
OK, I've left you enough to read for today! This was fun! For me anyway! So, the next time you go to ask something of a military spouse or child, just think about these things before you ask!
One more addition:
**17. - Well, at least you get free health care! (Yes, we have the option of having health care covered which can be a nice benefit. HOWEVER, from my personal experiences Army hospitals are understaffed and the care I received was very low quality. When I switched to private doctors the receptionist and billing folks treat me like a 3rd class citizen saying things like, "Oh, you have Tricare, they are horrible to deal with!" Um, yeah thanks! You know that me using a military id and telling you I have Tricare Insurance means that my husband is active duty. Thanks for showing your appreciation by making me feel like I don't contribute to society & therefor have to rely on crappy insurance. The people in the lobby do not know that my husband is Army. All they heard was your comment about my insurance. Really, Thanks!!)
I get that you are trying to show me that you are thinking of soldiers by passing an e-mail along to friends, but I don't want to read it. In fact I quit reading all forwards entirely b/c I got tired of seeing photos of coffins draped with flags, empty boots, Arlington National Cemetery, soldiers in the desert, and my favorite was the photo of a mother with her boys receiving a flag at her husband's funeral.... all followed with the message that soldiers & their families make the ultimate sacrifice, and how we should support our troops by forwarding that e-mail. REALLY?
I am going to comment in italics and different type besides some of these numbers. Please, don't take offense if you've don't these things. I know you don't understand my life and that you just don't know what to say. However, sometimes, I get tired of sucking it up and just want to tell you what I think. I figure if this writer can say it. So can I! After all, this is my blog.
What Not to Say to a Military Wife
1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
This one comes in at number one on the "duh" list for every military wife. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers in the backs of our minds -- but thanks, brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying. **(See above about e-mail forwards!)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
This is intended to be a compliment, but it's just a little annoying. Here's why: It's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cellphones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable; we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So, we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices. **(I hear this one more than any other, and I understand it is a compliment but I dislike it most! I smile and nod & what I say is, "Well, we just do it, and I am thankful that God has given me a lot of patience." What I really want to say is, "Well, I have a few choices, I could bitch and moan and be a baby about it which would be a huge help to my 3 children; or I could just quit the Army life, get a divorce, and stay here with my children ensuring my children never see their dad. Seriously, we do what we have to do to keep our families together and to live as normal a life as possible. It doesn't make me better than you. We all have our own struggles in life, and I can't say that my life is harder than yours even though sometimes, I might think it. However, as my daddy always says to me, "If it were easy, you wouldn't do it b/c you can't do anything the easy way!" We all have to climb our own mountains in our own way.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there. **(No comment necessary)
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas / anniversary / birthday / birth of a child / wedding / family reunion, etc.?"
Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again. **(This goes with, "When do you think he'll come home, etc...? We don't know! They give us an estimate, but after all there is a war going on and things change at any given moment. Making long term commitments is hard for us for this very reason, b/c while we want to live our lives we also want to be available at that moment when we know our loved one is coming home!)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
Short answer: try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq because there is work that needs to be done. **(Yep, I get this one A LOT! And while you don't mean it this question sounds like you are saying that serving in the military is the worst job in the world and that we should be counting the hours until we can run home and no longer serve our country. Instead of saying, "How much longer does he have until he get out?" Which sounds like he is serving a PRISON term and makes me feel that way, a better way to say it might be, "How long has your husband been serving our country?" Then, know that soldiers who serve for 20 years often retire at that point, and you do the math. )
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
Sure, we do learn coping skills, and it's true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three-week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12–15-month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an IED (improvised explosive device), your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12-month combat deployment to a business trip is like comparing a Ford Taurus with a Mercedes convertible. **(And this example is for 3 weeks! Don't get me started about friends who complain about long nights at the office or overnight business trips. Try living far away from family and friends when your husband is deployed for a year and worrying about who you'll call in the middle of the night if there is an emergency or having to lug all 3 kids to the ER b/c there isn't anyone to call. OR in my case in addition to deployments living in a high crime 3rd World Country where a different language is spoken, you don't know a soul, and your husband leaves you & 3 children (one being 4 months old) in that country with no military base to go to another country for a few weeks. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying that I might not be the person you want to complain to about your husband's job.)
9. "Wow, you must miss him."
This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not, and they're now divorced. **(I want to say, "Nope, we don't miss him. We are glad he's gone! My children love it when their dad is gone." Again, my first thought is always sarcastic, but I always bite my tongue!)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for nine years and at war in Iraq for seven years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day -- and on maps everywhere. **(Um, yes. This is a good one. I admit I have needed my own refresher in Geography from time to time, but you really should know where the war is! Of course, I got this question a lot when Z deployed the last time and truthfully, there were times I just didn't know more than the country. It wasn't that I didn't care, but that he couldn't tell me for security purposes. So, when this question is asked sometimes it brings more stress b/c often we know in general, but not exactly.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
Yes, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid, ignorant comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything -- he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom. **(Please, do not even get me started on this question/statement!)
12. "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!"
Hmmm. Seriously ... military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.
13. "Well, in my opinion ..."
Stop right there. I didn't ask for your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our butts off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are inviting them to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the president. Especially while we're trying to heat up our Lean Cuisine in the crappy office microwave. **(Yep, DO NOT under any circumstances try and start a political discussion about the War or the military with me. Just don't do it. Show a little respect and keep your mouth shut when you are with me , on my facebook wall, etc... I don't want your opinion. Nor, do I care about it. I have enough to worry about in life and do not feel like hearing your negative thoughts! Save those discussions for when you are with the other 99% of the population who is not serving in our Armed Forces!)
Last but not least ...
14. "Oh, that's horrible ... I'm so sorry!"He's doing his job and he's tough. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our military fights the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad and you stay safe. **(Yes, please do not feel sorry for me or my children b/c we live the life that we do. We love God, our country, our freedoms, and our soldier. While it isn't easy, we aren't sorry! We live our live moment to moment and don't take one single thing for granted! Can you say that about your life?)
This story was told to Stephanie Gaskell by Kristina Tipton. Tipton, married to a Navy Seabee who has deployed three times, including a tour in Iraq, is stationed in Naples, Italy. She and her husband, Tim, have two children. This story originally appeared on The War Report.
I'm adding a few things here:
15. Why is the Army making you move? Don't you have a choice in where you go?
Wow, nope! While we can give a wish list the Army sends us where they have the greatest need. The Army has final say in when we move, how often we move, where we move, and sometimes, what house we live in.
16. Well, at least you'll have military housing when you get to your next location!
Again, No. There is not enough housing on military bases. We arrive with our family and live in a hotel until we find something to buy or rent temporarily. There can be a 6 month waiting list for housing and most Army posts do not allow you to put your name on that list until you physically arrive and sign in saying you are officially there for duty!
In our case we are assigned to countries where there are no military bases. In fact in our next location there may not be another "Army" family in the whole country and only a handful of other military personnel. We will live in that country in a regular neighborhood. If you think moving to a new town here in the US for your spouses job try doing it overseas with a different language, different culture, and different kind of money! Now, that's an adventure!
Please, don't ask me how I do it! I don't know! Really, that's the truth. There is no magic formula. I am no different from you. I am just a woman/wife/mother living a different kind of life with a lot of Faith and Trust In God. Without that I just couldn't do it. I know that in the end God is in control and has a great plan. I trust that plan and look forward to watching it unfold!
Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I believe it!
OK, I've left you enough to read for today! This was fun! For me anyway! So, the next time you go to ask something of a military spouse or child, just think about these things before you ask!
One more addition:
**17. - Well, at least you get free health care! (Yes, we have the option of having health care covered which can be a nice benefit. HOWEVER, from my personal experiences Army hospitals are understaffed and the care I received was very low quality. When I switched to private doctors
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Church
It was about to rain one afternoon, but you can't really tell by the way the sun is shining in these pictures. Anyway, the sky and sun were beautiful over the church as I was driving by. I realized my camera was in the front seat and decided to stop for a few photos.
I love my church and the extended church family that has adopted us. I have loved and enjoyed churches in the past but never like this one. Never have I felt so welcomed and loved or missed when my family is not present not just on Sundays but for other events. On the weekends when I've seen other members out late I hear them say to each other & us, "Now I will see you at church tomorrow, won't I!" I love their accountability for one another.
Now as with any family while most members come across as kind and loving there are always going to be a few negative folks. It's what we do with and how we react to the negativity of others that matters. We've all been negative about something at some point in our lives. So, if you ever attend a church and come across that Negative Nelly on your first visit. You might want to go back and give it one more try. I say this because so far 99 % of the people in our church have just been amazing. However, there is just this one lady who just rubs Caroline the wrong way. She said something negative one time and now Caroline flips out when she sees her. Funny how a 2 year old can pick up on something like a few negative comments and never forget it. It got me thinking that had she been my first impression it may have discouraged me from coming back, and we would have missed out on so much. Just thought I'd share in case that has happened to you and encourage you to go back to your church one more time. It's a good lesson to remember not just about church but other things too.
Now, back to the positive:
Our entire family even enjoys Sunday School. They might not know it b/c we are never on time and live closer than most to the church. When I say close I mean we are close enough to walk, but we are almost always the last to arrive! :) Yet, nobody seems to mind or if they do they don't show it. They are just happy that we have arrived. When I miss a Sunday I feel sad. Not guilty, but sad because I really missed going to church and the way I feel while I am there and when I leave. When I leave I feel challenged and loved unconditionally.
Of course it isn't perfect. I grew up Baptist until I was 10 and have been a roaring Episcopalian ever since. This church is Lutheran. It is similar to the Episcopal Church but there are some differences. I miss my Book of Common Prayer, kneeling to pray, and get surprised looks when I drink from the chalice (most dip or drink from small cups), BUT I am starting to miss those things a little less. I am realizing that while tradition and familiarity of service are important they mean nothing if I leave church feeling unfilled and disconnected from the church family. Your church should be your family and it is one family that you get to choose all by yourself! Choose one that builds you up and loves you the way God does..... unconditionally.
I love my church and the extended church family that has adopted us. I have loved and enjoyed churches in the past but never like this one. Never have I felt so welcomed and loved or missed when my family is not present not just on Sundays but for other events. On the weekends when I've seen other members out late I hear them say to each other & us, "Now I will see you at church tomorrow, won't I!" I love their accountability for one another.
Now as with any family while most members come across as kind and loving there are always going to be a few negative folks. It's what we do with and how we react to the negativity of others that matters. We've all been negative about something at some point in our lives. So, if you ever attend a church and come across that Negative Nelly on your first visit. You might want to go back and give it one more try. I say this because so far 99 % of the people in our church have just been amazing. However, there is just this one lady who just rubs Caroline the wrong way. She said something negative one time and now Caroline flips out when she sees her. Funny how a 2 year old can pick up on something like a few negative comments and never forget it. It got me thinking that had she been my first impression it may have discouraged me from coming back, and we would have missed out on so much. Just thought I'd share in case that has happened to you and encourage you to go back to your church one more time. It's a good lesson to remember not just about church but other things too.
Now, back to the positive:
Our entire family even enjoys Sunday School. They might not know it b/c we are never on time and live closer than most to the church. When I say close I mean we are close enough to walk, but we are almost always the last to arrive! :) Yet, nobody seems to mind or if they do they don't show it. They are just happy that we have arrived. When I miss a Sunday I feel sad. Not guilty, but sad because I really missed going to church and the way I feel while I am there and when I leave. When I leave I feel challenged and loved unconditionally.
Of course it isn't perfect. I grew up Baptist until I was 10 and have been a roaring Episcopalian ever since. This church is Lutheran. It is similar to the Episcopal Church but there are some differences. I miss my Book of Common Prayer, kneeling to pray, and get surprised looks when I drink from the chalice (most dip or drink from small cups), BUT I am starting to miss those things a little less. I am realizing that while tradition and familiarity of service are important they mean nothing if I leave church feeling unfilled and disconnected from the church family. Your church should be your family and it is one family that you get to choose all by yourself! Choose one that builds you up and loves you the way God does..... unconditionally.
Weather
Weather forecast for tomorrow morning : 90! Wow! We've gone from heat to a little A/C to heat to A/C to needing a lot of A/C with 90! Love the South!
Friday, April 8, 2011
The actual letter that I e-mailed today.
***Have you written your Congressman/Senator? ***
Dear (Inserted President, Congressman or Senator's name here)
I am extremely disappointed in the budget fiasco that has occurred in Washington! I understand that y'all are not able to come to an agreement concerning certain terms. However, I find it extremely disrespectful that a temporary budget for military has not already been approved! There is absolutely no reason for soldiers, in particular those overseas, to have received word that they may only get a week's worth of pay on April 15! The emotional stress that these families undergo on a moment to moment basis is unreal. The fact that our elected officials are adding unnecessary stress by causing worry about getting paid is unacceptable!
How can a soldier do his/her job to the best of their ability when they now have the additional worry that their family at home (who is likely stationed away from family and loved ones) may not have enough money this month to pay the light bill or put food on the table. I even think of friends who are overseas in places like Germany or stationed at Embassies where there is no military base. To sacrifice and serve away from home like that and not get paid should not even be an option!
Our military makes up less than 1% of the U.S. population! We are a small group who dedicate our lives and our children's lives so that others may live in a more peaceful secure world with freedoms that are taken for granted! I hear/read chatter that something will pass to at least take care of the military, but that is only rumor. The fact is no matter what happens there has now been added stress to our military and their families, and it is wrong! Where are our priorities? It does not appear that we have them straight!!
Sincerely disappointed,
Rebecca R. Hyleman
(Army wife for 12 years & mother of 3)
(*And while this isn't noted in the above letter we have noticed that Zach's earning statement for the month already reflects the change of only 1 weeks pay for this month! Thank you United States! We appreciate this very much!)
Dear (Inserted President, Congressman or Senator's name here)
I am extremely disappointed in the budget fiasco that has occurred in Washington! I understand that y'all are not able to come to an agreement concerning certain terms. However, I find it extremely disrespectful that a temporary budget for military has not already been approved! There is absolutely no reason for soldiers, in particular those overseas, to have received word that they may only get a week's worth of pay on April 15! The emotional stress that these families undergo on a moment to moment basis is unreal. The fact that our elected officials are adding unnecessary stress by causing worry about getting paid is unacceptable!
How can a soldier do his/her job to the best of their ability when they now have the additional worry that their family at home (who is likely stationed away from family and loved ones) may not have enough money this month to pay the light bill or put food on the table. I even think of friends who are overseas in places like Germany or stationed at Embassies where there is no military base. To sacrifice and serve away from home like that and not get paid should not even be an option!
Our military makes up less than 1% of the U.S. population! We are a small group who dedicate our lives and our children's lives so that others may live in a more peaceful secure world with freedoms that are taken for granted! I hear/read chatter that something will pass to at least take care of the military, but that is only rumor. The fact is no matter what happens there has now been added stress to our military and their families, and it is wrong! Where are our priorities? It does not appear that we have them straight!!
Sincerely disappointed,
Rebecca R. Hyleman
(Army wife for 12 years & mother of 3)
(*And while this isn't noted in the above letter we have noticed that Zach's earning statement for the month already reflects the change of only 1 weeks pay for this month! Thank you United States! We appreciate this very much!)
Government
Dear US Government Officials,
Planning a budget is not a new concept! You've know about this deadline for quite a while!! Get yourselves together ASAP! It is absolutely ridiculous that soldiers fighting overseas were told that they most likely would only get a week's pay on April 15. Of course that goes for my family and other military families too! I think this is extremely disrespectful in particular for those fighting overseas or giving military aid to places like Japan. As if being deployed and separated from your family isn't stressful enough. Throw in the extra worry that your spouse and children who are home in the US might not get an entire paycheck for work you've already completed! That is just wrong! So very very wrong!!
Yes, I hear some say that the budget will pass or there will at least be an temporary bill for the military, BUT right now there isn't one! Priorities people! Where are your priorities! We already only make up less than 1% of the entire US population! (About .58%) Yep, that is it the few and the proud serving and protecting our freedoms and others around the world.... AND they might not get paid! How is that even an option?
Sincerely pissed,
RH - (Army wife)
Planning a budget is not a new concept! You've know about this deadline for quite a while!! Get yourselves together ASAP! It is absolutely ridiculous that soldiers fighting overseas were told that they most likely would only get a week's pay on April 15. Of course that goes for my family and other military families too! I think this is extremely disrespectful in particular for those fighting overseas or giving military aid to places like Japan. As if being deployed and separated from your family isn't stressful enough. Throw in the extra worry that your spouse and children who are home in the US might not get an entire paycheck for work you've already completed! That is just wrong! So very very wrong!!
Yes, I hear some say that the budget will pass or there will at least be an temporary bill for the military, BUT right now there isn't one! Priorities people! Where are your priorities! We already only make up less than 1% of the entire US population! (About .58%) Yep, that is it the few and the proud serving and protecting our freedoms and others around the world.... AND they might not get paid! How is that even an option?
Sincerely pissed,
RH - (Army wife)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Coffee
My friend is making a coffee order soon! We find it is best to make one big order and split the flat rate shipping. See previous post about coffee if you want to know more! :)
Anyway, if you are interested and don't live far let me know! www.godoyscoffee.com
If you'd like to try it first come over, and I'll fix you a cup!
Seriously, message me if you are interested!
Anyway, if you are interested and don't live far let me know! www.godoyscoffee.com
If you'd like to try it first come over, and I'll fix you a cup!
Seriously, message me if you are interested!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Dress Rehearsal for Music Man
If you are around our "big city" tomorrow we are having our dress rehearsal for "The Music Man." For those that are interested in attending the show but can't make it for an official show consider coming tomorrow and making a small donation as your entrance fee. :) The show tomorrow will hopefully start around 6:30. Thurs - Sat it starts at 7. Sunday show is at 3. With intermission it should last about 2 1/2 hours. Tickets for regular shows are $10 for seniors - children and $12 for adults.
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to one of my oldest (not in age) :) friends! I hope you are having a wonderful day and that we will see you tomorrow! C wants to know, "EB make cake for Lissa's birfday pardy day?" Love ya!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Socks
So, I should really take a picture so that you'll believe me! I think I have an entire basket full of white socks now! None of which match. If I could go back and give myself one bit of advice it would be to find one kind of sock we all like and stick with that! Then, every sock would match.... well, the sizes might not but at least they'd all look the same! Who knew white socks could look so different?
A Letter to My Washing Machine:
Dear Washing Machine,
Last year, I bought you all shiny and new. I had high hopes for you. However, it appears you have the same problem that our previous washer had. You eat socks! Seriously, how is it that right now I have around 20 unmatched socks? What happened to their mate? If you are going to eat socks, please just eat the matching pair. Don't leave me odd ones! (Oh, and that 20 is a guess. I quit counting at 10!! There could be more!)
Does your machine eat socks? I'm thinking about writing a letter to the manufacturers and demand that there be a recall! After all socks are a choking hazard!
Sincerely,
Mismatched Mama
Last year, I bought you all shiny and new. I had high hopes for you. However, it appears you have the same problem that our previous washer had. You eat socks! Seriously, how is it that right now I have around 20 unmatched socks? What happened to their mate? If you are going to eat socks, please just eat the matching pair. Don't leave me odd ones! (Oh, and that 20 is a guess. I quit counting at 10!! There could be more!)
Does your machine eat socks? I'm thinking about writing a letter to the manufacturers and demand that there be a recall! After all socks are a choking hazard!
Sincerely,
Mismatched Mama
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Funnies from the Local Paper
This was written at the very bottom of another article in the local paper. It made me laugh on yet another rainy Spring Break Day. :) I've really got to start reading the paper more often! Happy Thursday y'all!!
* Walmart employees reported a bag of marijuana was found near a store entrance.
Around 9 a.m. Sunday, employees found a small bag that contained about 13.75 grams of marijuana.
Employees and deputies were to examine store video to see if anyone could be identified dropping their marijuana.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The Music Man
I have so much to say, but never the time to write it. Right now we are in the final days of The Music Man. It is a play put on by the Calhoun Players in Cameron. Zach, the boys, and I are in it. Lately, we've been practicing as many as 4 days a week. Throw in karate 2 days a week for CW, Baseball 2 days a week for JC, a lot of pollen, Z's final semester of grad school, preparing for another international move, and boy am I overwhelmed!
I would like to give a standing ovation to full time working moms! How do you do that? Wow!
Anyway, for those of you who are interested the play will be Thursday, April 7 - Sunday April 10.
Zach and I play Oliver & Alma Hicks. He's on the school board, and I pick a little talk a lot.... I'm hoping to actually start my line on the right beat by opening night.... HA! The boys even show up for 2 scenes.
P.S. - Note to teachers next week..... Can we get homework passes? Please? I'll give you a Wal-mart gift card if the boys can be exempt! Really!!
I would like to give a standing ovation to full time working moms! How do you do that? Wow!
Anyway, for those of you who are interested the play will be Thursday, April 7 - Sunday April 10.
Zach and I play Oliver & Alma Hicks. He's on the school board, and I pick a little talk a lot.... I'm hoping to actually start my line on the right beat by opening night.... HA! The boys even show up for 2 scenes.
P.S. - Note to teachers next week..... Can we get homework passes? Please? I'll give you a Wal-mart gift card if the boys can be exempt! Really!!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Auction to aid people in Japan.....
My friend Melissa purchased a set of coffee earrings and a necklace made by the women at El Refugio. which is the women's shelter in Guatemala that I hold so dear to my heart. Please, take a moment to check out her blog Chasing Cheerios!
Thanks y'all!! What a great idea Melissa! Helping to use one cause to help another!!! Awesome!!
Thanks y'all!! What a great idea Melissa! Helping to use one cause to help another!!! Awesome!!
Friday, March 18, 2011
I dedicate this song to Facebook!
Dear Facebook,
This is going to be a long Lenten Season. I still miss you! However, seeing as I was quite the addict I am slowly coming down from that need to constantly check. I fear that when I do decide to go back I'll quickly OD.
"Official Video" - Well, since I didn't grow up with videos maybe now, I'll become a youtube addict and watch all the videos from my favorite songs I've never seen! (Oh, and this video is son 19080's! Awesome!)
Chicago
Songwriters: Kipner, S;Parker, J
I guess I thought you'd be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don't know what you've got until it's gone
And I found out a little too late
I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doing you a favor - I hardly knew you at all
Then you were gone and it all was wrong
Had no idea how much I cared
Now being without you takes a lot of getting used to
I should learn to leave with it, but I don't want to
CHORUS:
Being without you, was all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier, it's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to you, baby
You're a hard habit to break
You found someone else, you had every reason
No one can blame you for running to him
Two people together, but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin
After all of these years I'm still trying to shake you
Doing much better - They say that it just takes time
But deep in the night, it's an endless fight
I can't get you out of my mind
Now being without you takes a lot of getting used to
I should learn to leave with it, but I don't want to
CHORUS
I can't go on, just can't go on
I can't go on, just can't go on
Being without you takes a lot of getting used to
I should learn to leave with it, I don't want to
CHORUS
Such a hard habit to break
I'm addicted to you
You're a hard habit to break
Such a hard habit to break
I'm addicted to you, baby
This is going to be a long Lenten Season. I still miss you! However, seeing as I was quite the addict I am slowly coming down from that need to constantly check. I fear that when I do decide to go back I'll quickly OD.
"Official Video" - Well, since I didn't grow up with videos maybe now, I'll become a youtube addict and watch all the videos from my favorite songs I've never seen! (Oh, and this video is son 19080's! Awesome!)
Chicago
Songwriters: Kipner, S;Parker, J
I guess I thought you'd be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don't know what you've got until it's gone
And I found out a little too late
I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doing you a favor - I hardly knew you at all
Then you were gone and it all was wrong
Had no idea how much I cared
Now being without you takes a lot of getting used to
I should learn to leave with it, but I don't want to
CHORUS:
Being without you, was all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier, it's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to you, baby
You're a hard habit to break
You found someone else, you had every reason
No one can blame you for running to him
Two people together, but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin
After all of these years I'm still trying to shake you
Doing much better - They say that it just takes time
But deep in the night, it's an endless fight
I can't get you out of my mind
Now being without you takes a lot of getting used to
I should learn to leave with it, but I don't want to
CHORUS
I can't go on, just can't go on
I can't go on, just can't go on
Being without you takes a lot of getting used to
I should learn to leave with it, I don't want to
CHORUS
Such a hard habit to break
I'm addicted to you
You're a hard habit to break
Such a hard habit to break
I'm addicted to you, baby
Thursday, March 17, 2011
2 More You Tube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccCWNNIJGCg
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUwuUcNShes
Link for City Paper with name of song writers - duo who judged. Whatever!! :)
http://www.charlestoncitypaper.com/charleston/acoustic-throwdown-w-the-diesel-brothers/Event?oid=1770805
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUwuUcNShes
Link for City Paper with name of song writers - duo who judged. Whatever!! :)
http://www.charlestoncitypaper.com/charleston/acoustic-throwdown-w-the-diesel-brothers/Event?oid=1770805
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